Limited Time Offer

Feeling like you're about to get hit with a 2 x 4 to the face with simply no relief. Try wrapping your entire face with bubble wrap. You see the face is very soft and a blow to the head with a large piece of wood might cause your face to be no more. Thus you should have a pre-emptive relief of the problem and your face will be fine. Yes, a couple rolls of bubble wrap and maybe some duct tape and your face will be indestructable!
Today we are selling a wonderful roll of bubble wrap for the low, low price of $49.99, but that's not all. If you order now we'll throw in a free seeing eye hamster for only an additional $49.99, a grand total of $129.99. We do not recommend this product for anyone who can do math.
Protect your face and your life now!